Finding Damo

The story of a man, his job, two cats and the meaning of success.

It’s not paranoid if they’re actually out to get you!

Ok. It’s been a week and my mention of conspiracy theories hasn’t invited any short term reprisals. I feel confident enough to make some general observations on the subject.

In Finding Damo, one of my characters is a bit of a conspiracy nut. Nothing is to chance. Everything has a reason, whether benevolent or sinister. If it isn’t the government, it’s the aliens, the big corporations or computer hackers. I feel quite safe attacking the government and the aliens, but being ‘Net based, I’m leaving the hackers alone. A lovely bunch, no matter what anyone says.

So, as research, I started to read up on conspiracy theories… and my life as a sane person ended.

Did you know:

There is a plot, by the Majestic 12, or the invading aliens or whoever, to undermine the world’s economy. The evidence is overwhelming. Ok, here’s the deal. We are slowly moving towards a cashless society. Credit cards and debit cards, online banking and iTunes vouchers. Cash is pretty much a thing of the past. Who has even seen a giant vault full of gold lately? Once we’re all online, cash wise, those secret purveyors of power will destroy the Internet, completely wiping out all financial records throughout the world. From the ashes of our society, the Evil Bunnies (or whoever) will rise, having secretly hoarded all of the world’s material wealth. Just remember, it was me who warned you. And if there are shortages of CC’s at your supermarket, that’s me stocking up.

The amount of stuff packed into our drinking water and immunization needles makes me wonder that we don’t all die out due to dehydration or measles. There are tracker chips, tiny DNA markers, hallucinogens, neural inhibitors and probably alien embryos. Taste the chemical rainbow!

There was no moon landing. There was a moon landing, but they forgot to turn the camera on. There was a moon landing, but the aliens kept getting in the shot, holding signs saying “hi Mum!”

The oil companies and Giant software companies hire assassins and thugs to get rid of innovators who could impact their profit shares. There are any number of green renewable energy sources out there, held under lock and key by the greedy oil moguls. It’s all about the mighty dollar.

Every now and then, an entire community will disappear. This is usually due to secret testing of a new and wonderful weapon. Apparently voters make good cannon fodder. Maybe there’s a list of towns that the weapons testers can daw on. “Says here, this town is full of people who don’t like Glee.” “Fine, nuke ’em.”

Everything you do is being monitored. Someone knows your preferences in DVDs, your favourite brand of peaches and your shoe size. Someone takes note of each of your friends, their affiliations, your relationship status and sexual preferences. You thought you were so tricky, ordering that chicken taming kit in the brown paper bag! Big Brother IS watching.

And there’s no conspiracy involved in that last one.

Get your shiny tin foil hats on and organise your end-of-the-world parties before the Aztec calendar finishes, civilisation along with it.

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2 thoughts on “It’s not paranoid if they’re actually out to get you!

  1. Love it Damian! You would get on so well with a friend of mine. Snap btw, check out the blog I started last week…
    http://raggedblossomhandmade.wordpress.com/

  2. joan mcmanus on said:

    i knew it was true you have just confirmed it

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